Promotional two-pager

Roel Kluin 12o3l at tiscali.nl
Fri Oct 26 04:15:24 UTC 2007


Josef Assad wrote:
> -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
> Hash: SHA1
> 
> Greg KH wrote:
>> On Thu, Oct 25, 2007 at 08:41:06AM +0200, Josef Assad wrote:
>>> Greg KH wrote:
>> Ok, looks good, I've made a number of edits, feel free to ignore them if
>> you wish :)
> 
> Good. So, here's where we are:
> 
> - - Greg, you edited on the wiki
> - - Roel, I tried very hard to reconcile your edit with the drafted one;
> mind looking to see if you like it more? Again, have at it with a
> butcher knife if anything doesn't look right :)

Hah, you afraid already?

Actually, I don't know exactly who the audience is for this two-pager, but after
reading it, I thought it was meant for companies developing hardware not yet
supported in Linux.

So I was thinking, who is going to receive this mail and will he/she understand
what this is about? Will it be clear that this is a beneficial deal?

The answer to my first question, I thought was probably a secretary, because they
usually receive and sort mail. They may receive lots of adds, and try to separate
it from important mail. We are making an offer that they can't refuse. We are
offering quality development of drivers *for free*. Better make that message
clear immediately  and not confuse or tire the reader or it will be thrown away -
before the message is understood. Maybe you want to express this in the title,
instead of the 'out of excuses' - which in my opinion is a bit too aggressive.
How about 'An offer you can't refuse'.

We are not trying to sell Linux here. If that's the thought the secretary will get,
then he/she may judge incorrectly that it is not worth the bother to read. We are 
offering driver development by a team of expert kernel people without charge.

The pictures and layout do the first trick: attract the reader, to get them
to read. I like your layout. The pictures are nice and I like the subtle border
around the text. Pictures can say many words and additionally attribute to the
attractiveness. The key is a nice eye catcher. Maybe a 'supercomputer' running
Linux?

My experience is that people are lazy, don't want to read lots of text. People 
usually read only the first few lines - if it looks promising enough. A little text
is a little effort, and will be read more probably. Make it look clear, space is
good. I do like the two columns.

Your text has improved a lot since your first version, I do only have a few remarks.

first line: 'a growing share on', not 'share of'? I may be incorrect, English is not
my native language. skip the 'already' in the second line (the first line got one
already)

Fourth alinea: replace 'beginning decisions' by 'early' or 'initial decisions'

2nd alinea after 'From kick-off to development'
centuries of experience is too obviously an exaggeration (Linux only exists a few
decades) make that decades.

3rd replace 'developer resources' by 'developers', the Project -> lowercase.
vendor's-> vendors'

make it this sentence (punctuation improvement):
On the hardware vendors' side, your designated contact person provides the required
background information: the device specifications and documentation - sufficient for
the development of fully functional device drivers.

This is going to be their major issue btw: companies may not have elaborate
documentation. therefore I added the 'sufficient' to show that it doesn't have to be
perfect, rather workable.

I think it's going in the right direction, but some sentences are still a bit long,
try be to the point where possible. Maybe you want to alter some of the titles

Hope it helps :)

Roel




More information about the devel mailing list